Heavenly Father...Are You Really There?

So last night I was in bed doing my nightly prayers (yes, go ahead and laugh, I still pray) and realized that my prayers are without faith that there is actually anyone or anything listening to me. I realized that most of the times that I do pray, it's either if outloud for other people, or if I do it in silence it's to scratch an itch I have in that it makes ME feel better.

So here I am praying to Jesus and realize that it probably makes as much sense to pray to the Flying Spaghetti monster for all the good prayer has done in my life for me. I mean there really isn't conclusive evidence that he existed or was resurrected either.

Every time I have tried praying and fasting with real intent and doing everything they tell you to do like having faith blah blah, I usually get slapped down hard and whatever I was praying for blows up in my face.

So I did have a spell where I once again tried to be TBM or put everything on the shelf, or whatever and just ignore the Mormon nonsense and go with Christ.

So hows that working out for me? Not at all, since the one sure anchor in life is probably bogus too.

So, even if there is some sort of God, he/she/it hasn't revealed themselves to me.

For all my prayers, I might as well be talking to the wall.

because that's about the same response I am getting.